That was the life that was.
Before we lost Mum.
Before Dad pickled his vital organs in bile
and just... stopped.
Like Big Ben with a broken spring.
Dad.
What was it... that your mother said to you
after you poked your tongue out at the camera?
She said, "Don't make that face, Lulu.
"What if the wind changes?"
I had what you might call an epiphany at that tea party.
An epi who?
I worked something out.
I worked out that every moment of... perfect... whatever...
.. is an accident.
It's unplannable.
And unrepeatable.
No matter how hard you try.
Sodding men.
What is the major river of Czechoslovakia?
How am I supposed to know?.
What was Beethoven's affliction?
He was deaf, you great galoot!
Who was Sigmund Freud?
Bloke with a weenie willie.
And me...
That year in Bordertown was my window shopping year.
Watching other folk, staring in their doors and windows and crannies.
Window shopping.
Wondering if hanging somewhere just out of sight
would be a spare life.
One that might fit me.
How did you know I was here?!
II naso.
Have you been spying on me?
I don't know this word - "spying'.
Bollocks!
Bollocks.
Yeah, you know that one, don't ya?
Yeah.
Have a eucalyptus drop.
Look! Look!
Acqua d'argento.
Silver water?
Why you hide?
I haven't been well.
It is not because of Giusepp?
I had it all planned, Nin.
Joe was going to wake up one day and there I'd be, but he's not going to.
Not ever.
Allora. Andiamo.
Ahh!
Take off your dress. What?!
He leaks. Bloody hell, Nin, you are a dolt.
Only you could do all this fancy stuff and forget to fix a hole.
Ah! Take off your dress or Nino go blue.
A little bit blue.
See, I very blue.
I blue to knees, top of leg, wrinkly bits..
Good. Hope your wrinkly bits fall off.
Hmm.
You don't come now, though, maybe he go far away.
Acqua d'argento.
Never you will see again.
Maybe, signorina, this is your only chance.
OK.
I'm one of them dancing princesses
crossing the water to dance all night until I've got holes in my shoes.
And you on my sleeve.
Yeah, but we're not dancing, signorina, we're swimming.
"Occasional silver light in bodies of water
"are usually caused by the presence of the mineral phosphorus,
"which varies in quantity and potency at different times
"depending on current. "
I'm done.
Our next song is a very special one.
It's for one of our newest Australians, Nino Della Vergine -
I hope I've got that right, Nino -
and your promised bride Bianca
who is at this moment,
speeding across the Indian Ocean like a bird on the wing
to be by your side.
It's called 'Amore', which for all you...
Did you hear that?
.. Italian for 'love'.
Nino and his new wife, Bianca!
Oh, here?
Don't think of it as losing a brother, Joe.
Think of it as, um... gaining another slave.
Eh?
Good on you, Nino. Bravo, bravo.
Bravo, bravo. Tanti auguri.
Mazel tov, Nino.
Well, congratulations, Nino.
Giuseppe, who... who is Bianca?
From our village. I don't know. Maybe they arranged for you.
You marry now, boy-o.
Grazie.
Hello!
Avanti. Signora, scusi, scusi. Avanti, per favore. Grazie.
Devo pisciare.
Do you want me to say her new husband wait in the toilet?
Buongiorno.
Mi chiamo Bianca Della Vergine.
Dove é Nino, mio marito?
Sono Nino.
I knew it.
It's a little freak.
Have a good look, eh?!
Everyone, I have pink eyes
like a pitano, huh?
Like the grosso rabbit.
Like the devil, eh?
Andiamo.
What the fuck?!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fanculo.
Halt!
Who goes there?
Ah...
Nino.
Ahh.
You want to play a duet, husband?
Uh, no.
What is your instrument?
I don't...
Ah, bello. Instead of the high head, we have the red head.
Sí.
The tarantella, eh?
Brava.
Now we talk dirty, huh?
Pftt!
Uh... so...
You... you...
Oh! The cat got your tongue, mio piccolo marito.
I help, no?
Ohhh.
Translucent one, when wakefulness come to me,
never I dream I see such a vision.
Your eyes... the colour of Turkish delight.
Your skin... the first winter snow.
Your hair like... Niagara Falls.
Got the idea?
It's for you, it's from the... Sila Massif.
I break the quarantine law.
Hmm?
Sí.
Also in the pocket but, uh, is not so sweet aroma.
Well, I don't...
Oh, I see, you don't read.
"And here is, uh... my Bianca.
"My little white one for you.
"She will bear many fine and normal son. "
Even though she herself is a freak.
My papa.
He always likes to state the obvious. Just...
I don't know what mean "freak'.
Ohh. Hey.
Me too.
Hey, here will be ring, huh?
Never I think anyone will marry Nino, but... miracolo, uh?
Hey, not so fast, red head.
The miracolo is when I have the black pubis and you have the IQ.
One white wife.
One white wife who smell of pine tree!
II miracolo!
Miracolo!
Miracolo! Hey! Hey!
Louisa...
.. argento.
Don't, Lulu.
What if the wind changes and you stay that way?
What way, Mum?
Tell me what way!
Mum!
Silly girl, silly girl.
Silly little girl.
You know, camp full of men.
What if something happened to you? Huh?!
Huh?!
Uh... uh, steady on.
That's Napoleon brandy.
You...
.. useless excuse for a father.
No wonder the poor child doesn't know up from down.
There's nothing wrong with her woman bits, you silly man.
She growing up, is what's wrong.
Yes, well, I thought it was something like that.
You know she out walking round camp every night, huh?!
Coming up when Mr Sun comes up, huh?
You know, she's staring through windows.
Watching secret, private things.
Hmm?!
And how do you know all this, huh?!
Unless you're out there spying too, huh?
Stalking her like prey. Huh? Huh? Huh?!
Huh?
Oh! Giuseppe.
Oh, ciao, Federico.
You met your new sister yet?
Bianca Della Vergine.
The white virgin.
Who tell you this?! Are you sure? How do you know this?!
Just what I always wanted - a bowl with a rabbit on.
Oh, sí!
Some thoughtful person has given wedding veil.
Oh! It's just what I always wanted.
This, uh... kitchen tea is a very civilised antipodean custom.
Not that I believed in a translucent finger in the kitchen, uh?
Still...
.. is civilised.
It's one of our more enduring sacred cows.
What is it, little husband? Why you interrupted sacred cow, heh?
Come outside?
Well, I have the guests.
Ohhh.
You heard what they say about me, little husband, no?
I'm a freak.
And a whore, huh?
É vero?
Huh?
Rispondami - é vero?!
Ohh!
Nino.
Calma.
Life is a shit, Nino.
Life is a shit.
But if you look... there is silver lining.
And if you've got them all right so far,
you've probably got the IQ of Einstein and then some.
And now for the final test.
What mineral substance is identified by the symbol K?
Phosphorus.
That's right. It's potassium.
Shhh!
Message from Nino.
Shhh!
I became an expert on phosphorus that year.
I knew all the whys and wherefores.
The only thing I never learnt about phosphorus
is how it makes your dreams go silver.
You rang?
Sí, I... I want to ask question.
Why I am like this?
Why I am imbecile, freak?
You're not. Why I don't read, don't learn?
I don't know, Nin. Why they laugh at me?
My mum used to say people were different
because they got caught that way when the wind changed.
What?
So, Bianca... Bianca fall in snow and wind change, sí?
Yeah. Or in whitewash.
My mama tell to me once...
She said, uh...
I'm sorry. This English for Nino is tortura!
It's alright. I'll help you.
Would you like that?
My mama said...
She said your brother Giuseppe is big tree!
Big old tree, yeah.
And Nino is, uh...
A little baby tree? Little baby tree.
And there Nino shelter under big tree.
Curled up like a little baby.
Like little baby.
And safe under a big tree, Nino dream.
Dream... argento.
Dream in silver.
Sí, but I am not baby now.
I can't dream in silver no more.
So I'm gonna marry snow woman.
Is promise of our family.
Our freak, your freak - everybody happy.
Is a matter of onore. Honour?
And Bianca promised to me sons.
So when he come, my son, he not be white and stupid.
For him, the wind, he will change and become fat and brown and good.
Come not like freak.
Look at me, signore.
Look at me.
You think of Lady Bev, sí?
Is simple, Giuseppe.
She want a man, not great big bambino.
What, now I've got to take advice from my idiot brother
who's gonna marry a freak?
Is true.
You are a big bambino until day you can say...
.. "Lady, when you sick, when you fat, when even you look like moo cow,
"ti amo. "
Ay!
Ahh.
Nino.
Don't marry her.
Ti amo.
I love you.
Ahh.
A drop of whitewash, no-one even see the damage to bridal complexion.
"Onore, " he say.
"It's a matter of... HIC... onore.
"I wish still to be HIC HIC HIC HIC... "
Oh, he's quite sweet, you know?.
But an idiot.
Don't call him that!
We will be...
.. Snow White and the... quale è nano... the dwarf.
Oh, sí, sí. In a fairytale.
We will be Dopey, Snow White and the little dwarf Dopey.
Why do you keep calling him that?!
E Olandese.
You see what I see? Hmm?
Well, I see one limey here who love herself my idiot.
Oh, don't be daft! I think you do.
I don't! You do!
I don't! You do, huh?!
Adrianna.
You witness.
She love herself my idiot.
I told you not to call him that!
Piece of whitewash shit!
Punch me in the stomach.
Go on, stupida, punch me.
What are you gawking at?!
I'm not Dutch for nothing.
No.
I'm having a hell of a time staying white for this wedding.
Buongiorno, my little sister.
Buongiorno, fratella.
Is everything for the wedding go well?
Oh, sí.
Molto bene. Grazie.
If there's something I can do for you, you must say to me.
You're so very beautiful.
So white... and unusual.
Yeah, some say translucent, eh?
I'm no good with big word.
I'm more a man of azione.
Ahh.
Tell me,
a woman like you with your passion,
you really gonna be happy with my little brother?
Ohhh.
They say you're the best lover in Baringa.
You wanna see if I'm white all over, no?
Under wedding dress.
Under camisole.
And French knickerbocker.
Outside and in, no?
So... you show me.
They say you're the best.
And I say to them...
.. "Only if his dick shows more azione than his brain!"
Give it up, Giuseppe!
Your silly little brother is 10 times the man! Eh?
Pfft!
To Nino!
Nino!
Hey, he is imbecile.
But is the best man of us all.
Hear, hear! Who is the best man? Me.
Giuseppe.
But I am worst man.
You know what I do today? I am bastard.
I try to knock up Nino's new wife, my sister-in-law.
I am rubbish. Worth nothing.
I am lower than sewer.
And the worst part is... .. she say no.
Lower than sewer?
My little girl, whom I...
.. whom I...
She was...
She was flaunting her naked little what-you-might-call-'ems
all over the camp
and I just let her - just let her!
I'm pathetic, weak, self-indulgent, filthy, useless excuse for a father.
You real proper bastard.
But me...
Me...
.. never once in my life
I tell to Diomira...
.. I love you.
Ohhh. Yes, yes, Dante, we got it.
You are a prized prick.
We are all... all of us. But not Nino.
Nino is stupid but he's noble.
But us...
.. we are all.
.. all of us are lower than sewer.
Lower than sewer.
Lower. Lower.
♪ Lower than sewer, lower...
♪ Lower
♪ Lower than sewer... ♪
Wait, wait on.
But I'm lower than lower.
The day her mother died - the day! -
I put her in a war orphans' home near the brewery.
Just temporary, you understand.
I couldn't get the smell of hops out of her hair for weeks.
See, I couldn't bear the sight of her.
She kept on...
She kept on breathing.
♪ Lower, lower, lower... ♪
Hey, Professore.
♪ Lower than sewer, lower than sewer, lower than sewer, lower... ♪
Ah! Mud in your eye, limey.
Ohhh!
What does honourable brother-in-law put in this stuff?
Strychnine?
Eh, sing along with Bianca.
♪ Lower than sewer... ♪
What in the name of Saint fucking Columbine are you doing?
I'm-a boiling baby, limey.
Aargh!
In my...
.. village there is a... pied piper.
His name is...
.. Lorenzo.
And all of the signorina...
.. he wanted the one he must not touch.
The snow girl.
He say, "Follow me into the forest...
".. to pick the flower and climb the pine trees and... "
He teach me.
New kind of duet, uh?
Much more fun.
Much more naughtier than the one we taught at school, eh?
He's so beautiful, my piper.
His hair and...
.. his eyes.
Soft and black.
I love him more than God.
Allora.
For such a blasphemy, the big boss man, he make me pay.
Nino wanted to have kids. He told me. It doesn't matter if it's not his.
Lorenzo is my brother.
He must be thick.
Un po'.
So...
.. you pass the kettle, huh?
Or we are giving poor little Dopey a two-headed snow man, huh?
I can't.
Argh!
Goodnight, sweet prince!
Flights of angels, etc.
Don't touch me.
Don't touch me! OK.
Come on, do this, please. You help me.
Hmm?
Joe, the wedding's tomorrow. I know.
I learn something from my stupid brother.
He tell me...
.. I no grow up until I can tell Be...
.. until I can tell something very important to someone.
But first, I need courage.
There. You look lovely.
I hope whoever you've got to say this important thing to appreciates it.
Ohhh.
Louisa.
Look, one... one day, I know you no think so now,
but one day... you got to be happy, I promise.
Oh, look up there. I'll be buggered. A flying pig.
Come on.
Urgh!
Aargh!
No!
The wedding's tomorrow.
You'll still be bleeding.
Why didn't you wait?
Every day I wait...
.. the closer come the quickening.
And if once I feel him move...
.. two-headed snow man.
There's no going back, eh?
I'll tell you a secret.
Since my husband died, I don't bleed anymore.
The doctor said it was shock, but...
There'll be other babies.
Oh...
Not two-headed ones.
You'll see.
Oh.
Hello, limey.
Mud in your eye, eh?
I brought this for your skin.
Are you alright?
Ahhh.
Legs the same colour as eyes for a while.
Eh... maybe I get a handbag to match, eh?
I go and trust you
with the two most important things in the world, limey.
Yeah, two-headed snow man, eh?
And my little dwarf, Dopey.
Bene?
"When I was a child, I spake as a child
"I understood as a child, I thought as a child.
"But when I became a man, I put away childish things.
"For now, we see through a glass, darkly,
"but then face to face.
"Now I know in part,
"but then shall I know even as also I am known.
"And now abideth faith, hope, love, these three.
"But the greatest of these...
".. is love. "
Now, if we could have the ring.
Nino, place the ring on Bianca's left hand.
And by the power invested in me...
You know, Nino, I think you might have a future as a plumber.
And now by the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife.
And I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all the very best
with your life here in the Baringa hostel.
I must have déjà vu.
Weren't you here last night?
Sometime... I feel like I've been here all my life.
Here, please.
You know, the first time I talk to you is because of Nino.
Mmm. I remember.
I think maybe for... for me Nino is... is my white side.
My coscienza. How do you say in English?
Conscience. Conscience.
It is because of him I fall in love with you.
And because he tell me I must say this to you, so...
.. now I say it.
But...
.. he's gone now.
And I must find new white side.
E dipende. No.
I'm coward.
I know. And not too honest.
And sometime the life, it come very, very easy for me.
But, you know, maybe you could be my conscience.
Oh, Joe.
You could try.
And just for tonight,
let me be Giuseppe.
Mia moglie.
I am very happy to be married.
Only you, signorina...
.. could do fancy stuff...
.. and forget to fix hole.
Shh.
Your eyes... like Turkish delight.
Your hair like... like Niagara Falls.
Got the idea?
Ahhh.
Ah! Gum tree lolly.
Don't you go getting no ideas, limey!
He's only on loan.
Hey, we sell this to Russians, eh?
I think they might already know.
Oh, bugger off!
Ah!
♪ Amor, amor, amor
♪ This word so sweet that I repeat
♪ Means I adore you
♪ Amor, amor, my love
♪ Would you deny this heart that I have placed before you?
♪ I can't find another word with meaning so clear
♪ My lips try to whisper things in your ear
♪ But somehow or other nothing sounds quite so dear
♪ As this soft caressing word I know
♪ Amor, amor, amor
♪ When you're away
♪ There is no day and nights are lonely
♪ Amor, amor, my love
♪ Make life divine
♪ Say you'll be mine
♪ And love me only
♪ Amor. ♪
I was going to tell you about my window shopping year.
Only I stopped window shopping.
And I can't remember exactly when it happened or what was different.
Penny for your thoughts.
I was just thinking.
My dad says nothing that's perfect can ever be repeated.
Hmm.
That might be the smartest thing he ever said.
The only smart thing he's ever said!
Someone dropped the A-bomb on my head.
Yeah, Napoleon.
Shall I kiss it better?
I wouldn't stay like that if I was you. You know what might happen.